i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Panties = found
Randomize
