Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
