My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
