Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
