My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
