She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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