i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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