So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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