hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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