You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
