are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
