oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
