i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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