Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
