My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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