One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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