I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
