Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
