I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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