I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
