I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
