dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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