But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
