come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize