what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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