having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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