We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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