Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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