3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
