worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize