I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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