I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
