the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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