Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
