He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
