your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
