Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
