Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize