thus making me awesome and them whores
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
