ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
