i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
