Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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