I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
