She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
