maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
