I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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