remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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