shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
