It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
