Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Randomize