the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
