This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im six kinds of drunk right now
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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