Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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