my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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