Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
