i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
