You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
