Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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