Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize