mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
