Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
