i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
