Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
