There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize