sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
