She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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