Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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