I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
