wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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