We're facebook friends in real life
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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