Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
