Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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