I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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