I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
