She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize