Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
