here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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