I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
