I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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