My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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