So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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