I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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