i was born a porn star she said
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
