I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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