He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize