I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
