Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
