Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
