The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
