tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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