I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
