Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
