just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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