Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
