Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
