Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
