Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
