my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
