your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize