i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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