I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
