life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
