Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
